JEFF. I just saw that new animated cartoon movie. (snickering) It was hilarious!
MIKE. Chicken Little.
JEFF. Whatd you call me?
MIKE. Thats the name of the new animated movie that just came out. Chicken Little.
MIKE. (sarcastic) No, Im making it up.
JEFF. Oh, good, cuz I thought it was called something else.
MIKE. What did you think it was called?
JEFF. I dunno, but Chicken Littles a way better title. Because check it out, the main character ?
MIKE. Was a little chicken?
JEFF. A little? He was a TOTAL PUSSY!! He was runnin around. "Oh my God! Look out! Agh! Were gonna die! Incoming!" SPLOOSH! "Oh, my leg! Im never gonna walk again!"
MIKE. Wait a minute. Chicken Little loses a leg?
JEFF. It was awesome! This was the bloodiest childrens cartoon I have ever seen in my life. "Agh, my leg! Medic!"
MIKE. Hold on. Chicken Little lost his leg??
JEFF. Him or some other guy. They all look alike to me.
MIKE. The chicken and the pig. They look the same to you?
JEFF. Hey, I dont judge people by their appearance.
MIKE. Or animals, apparently.
JEFF. I dont care if youre a chicken or a hillbilly or a woman. Once you put on that uniform, theyre all men in uniform as far as Im concerned.
MIKE. What uniform?
JEFF. The army uniform they were all wearing.
MIKE. Chicken Little joins the army?
JEFF. Actually, no, youre right, I think they were marines.
MIKE. It sounds like you saw the movie Jarhead.
JEFF. Thats what it was called. Jarhead! (laughs) God, it was hilarious.
MIKE. I havent seen Jarhead, but Im pretty sure its not hilarious.
JEFF. Well, not like Passion-of-the-Christ hilarious. But thats what happens when you make an ensemble comedy. The humor gets watered down.
MIKE. Passion of the Christ was not a comedy.
JEFF. (heard it before) Yeah, yeah, I know, because youre Jewish.
MIKE. No! Not because Im Jewish. Because its not funny.
JEFF. Oh, right. And you know whats funny, because - - -
MIKE. No, thats not why! This is not about me!
JEFF. No, its about this guy (laughing ) whos a jarhead.
MIKE. Whats funny about that?
JEFF. Oh, come on! A guy with a jar for a head? Thats gotta be funny even in Jewish. (pantomiming a jar for a head) "Whoooa! Watch the head."
MIKE. Hes not a jar-head, hes a marine.
JEFF. (laughs) And he gets sent to Iraq!
MIKE. Whats funny about that?
JEFF. (laughing) Hes in Iraq. And hes got a head like a jar!
MIKE. Its not a comedy! Its a war movie.
JEFF. Yeah, sure. A war movie for kids.
MIKE. Its not for kids.
JEFF. Then why is there all the blood and violence? Its a total kids movie. Adults would freak out if they saw this. People getting slimed with body parts? Its like something from Nickelodeon.
MIKE. But its not from Nickelodeon.
JEFF. Then why did they make it animated?
MIKE. Its not animated.
JEFF. Sure it is.
MIKE. It doesnt even look animated.
JEFF. No, it looks CGI.
JEFF. Computer Generated Something.
MIKE. I know what CGI means.
JEFF. And this was the really good CGI. It looked totally real. Some of that blood splatter was straight out of Passion of the Christ.
MIKE. So you thought Jarhead was a CGI animated film about a chicken.
JEFF. No, I said it was an CGI film about a total pussy. Cuz that guy lost his shit.
MIKE. And the fact that it was about marines in Iraq. You thought that was funny.
JEFF. (laughing) Iraq is a desert! Marines live in water! Its like the Marx Brothers. "Wheres my body armor?" "We dont have body armor." "Incoming!" BOOM! (laughs) "Ah! My leg!" "Harpo! You can talk!"
MIKE. You are a sick, twisted bastard.
JEFF. Hey, I dont write this stuff. Those guys are sick.
FADE TO BLACK
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