The Eight: Reindeer Monologues

by Mark Cofta

Runs Dec. 8-16, $18, Society Hill Playhouse Red Room, 507 S. Eighth St., 215-923-0210, www.bckseet.com

You'd think Santa would know that "on Donner, on Dancer, on Cupid, on Blitzen" isn't meant in the literal-nay, Biblical-sense. Not so in Jeff Goode's anti-Christmas comedy, The Eight: Reindeer Monologues.

BCKSEET Productions artistic director Greg Decandia says these bizarre confessionals "turn the whole Rudolph story on its head. Vixen charges Santa with rape, so the reindeer are talking about a walkout."

Rudolph (who doesn't actually lead the sleigh in Goode's twisted take) and Santa (who concocted the red-nose bit after molesting him) never make appearances. Actors, including Elyssa Phillips, Kate Brennan and Mark Cairns, play the flying herd, who apparently get a lot more action on their 364 days off than we've been led to believe.

If you think this would all make more sense after a drink, you're in luck: The Society Hill Playhouse's Red Room includes one in the ticket price, serving holiday cheer in a glass during each performance's pre-show musical act (a rotating roster of local performers including Naeemah, Paul Edelman and Janice Rowland).

So we say "Santa, off!" But The Eight -- an antidote for relentless Xmas treacle-is definitely on.