Enter AVNER PILLICOCK up on his porch.
           AVNER
             What in hellnation do you boys think you're doing
             whittlin' in the street?  You wanna get arrested?
           ETHAN
             Mornin', Cap'n Avner!
           EVAN
             Can they do that here?  Arrest you for whittlin'?
           ETHAN
             It's a free country.  I reckon they can arrest you
             for anything they got a mind to.
           AVNER
             Except what you do in the privacy of your own home.
             Now come on up here on the porch, before you make
             monkeys o' yourselves.
           EVAN
             Oh, we wasn't monkey-makin', honest.  
           ETHAN
             Not yet.
           AVNER
             Well, get on up here anyways and have a cushion seat. 
             Those stumps gotta be hard on your hindquarters.  And
             you don't want a tender backside if you're gonna be
             ridin' ass later.
           EVAN
           (to ETHAN)
             How'd he know 'bout my donkey?
           ETHAN
             Thank'ee for the hospitality, Cap'n Avner.
           AVNER
             Don't you mention it.  You boys care for some sweet
             tea?  I was just about to go have Alabaster make us
             up a batch.
           EVAN
             Thank you kindly, Mr. Avner.

                                 AVNER exits into the house.
           EVAN
             That Mr. Avner's awful friendly for a hardened
             criminal.
           ETHAN
             What makes you think he's hardened?
           EVAN
             Well, smugglin' slaves has gotta be a pretty serious
             infraction, ain't it?
           ETHAN
             Depends on whether you're for the North or South.
           EVAN
             Oh.  Which one are we?
           ETHAN
             Well, that's kinda complicated.  There's a war on, so
             it depends on the day of the week, the time o' the
             month, the prevailing winds, and who's drawin' the
             map.  Not to mention, the river's the county line, so
             you and me could go to bed friends one night and wake
             up in the mornin' on the wrong side o' public
             opinion.
           EVAN
             I hadn't thought of it that way.
           ETHAN
             Like I said, it's complicated.
           EVAN
             But I reckon everything's complicated when you really
             think about it.

                                 They think about it.
           ETHAN
             Not whittlin'.  Whittlin's been the same since the
             good Lord invented it.  That's why it's one o' life's
             simple pleasures.  The things you can do with a stiff
             piece o' wood and an hour to kill is about the same
             as it was in the Garden of Eden.  And it ain't gonna
             change no time soon.
           EVAN
             I dunno, Ethan.  If they can change a person's
             nationality with a few lines on a map, I reckon
             somebody's gonna find a way to mess up whittlin'.
           ETHAN
             Then we better enjoy it while we can.

                                 They whittle more passionately.