Lear's Labour's Lost
                                                         copyright © 2007 Jeff Goode

            ACT II

            SCENE 6 - The King's Park.
                  Enter KENT, with a paper
            KENT 
               And I, forsooth, in love! I, that have been love's whip; 
               Nay, to be perjured, which is worst of all; 
               And, among three, to love the worst of all; 
               Well, I do nothing in the world but lie, and lie in my throat. By heaven, I do love:
               and it hath taught me to rhyme and to be melancholy; and here is part of my
               rhyme, and here my melancholy.
               By the world, I would not care a pin, if the other three were in. Here comes one
               with a paper: God give him grace to groan!
                                                                Stands aside
                  Enter KING LEAR, with a paper
            KING LEAR 
               Ay me!
                                                                   [Reads]
               O queen of queens! how far dost thou excel,
               No thought can think, nor tongue of mortal tell.
               How shall she know my griefs? I'll drop the paper:
               Sweet leaves, shade folly. 
               Who is he comes here?
                                                                Steps aside
               What, Gloucester, too! and reading! listen, ear.
            KENT 
               Now, in thy likeness, one more fool appear!
                  Enter GLOUCESTER, with a paper
            GLOUCESTER 
               Ay me, I am forsworn!
            KENT 
               Why, he comes in like a perjure, wearing papers.
            KING LEAR 
               In love, I hope: sweet fellowship in shame!
            KENT 
               One drunkard loves another of the name.
            GLOUCESTER 
               I do affect the very ground, which is base, where her shoe, which is baser,
               guided by her foot, which is basest, doth tread. I shall be forsworn, which is a
               great argument of falsehood, if I love. And how can that be true love which is
               falsely attempted? Love is a familiar; Love is a devil: there is no evil angel but
               Love. Assist me, some extemporal god of rhyme, for I am sure I shall turn sonnet.
               Devise, wit; write, pen; for I am for whole volumes in folio.
               I fear these stubborn lines lack power to move:
               O sweet maidservant, empress of my love!
               These numbers will I tear, and write in prose.
                                                                    Reads
               Vows are but breath, and breath a vapour is:
               If by me broke, what fool is not so wise
               To lose an oath to win a paradise?
               By whom shall I send this?--Company! stay.
                                                                Steps aside
                  Enter COSTARD, with a paper
            KENT 
               The Fool transform'd! four woodcocks in a dish!
            COSTARD 
               O most divine Regan!
            KENT 
               O most profane coxcomb!
            COSTARD 
               I would forget her; but a fever she
               Reigns in my blood and will remember'd be.
            KENT 
               A fever in your blood! why, then incision
               Would let her out in saucers: sweet misprision!
            COSTARD 
               Once more I'll read the ode that I have writ.
            KENT 
               Once more I'll mark how love can vary wit.
            COSTARD 
                                                                   [Reads]
               Do not call it sin in me,
               That I am forsworn for thee;
               O, would the king, the earl, and banished Kent,
               Were lovers too! Ill, to example ill,
               Would from my forehead wipe a perjured note;
               For none offend where all alike do dote.
               But have I forgot my Goneril? 
               Almost I had.
                                                        Takes out another paper
               Negligent student! learn her by heart.
               By heart and in heart, fool.
               And out of heart, coxcomb: all those three I will prove.
               By, in, and without, upon the instant: by heart I love her, because my heart
               cannot come by her; in heart I love her, because my heart is in love with her; and
               out of heart I love her, being out of heart that I cannot enjoy her.
               I am all these three.
               And three times as much more, and yet nothing at all.
            GLOUCESTER 
               [Advancing] Costard, thy love is far from charity.
               You may look pale, but I should blush, I know,
               To be o'erheard and taken napping so.
            KING LEAR 
               [Advancing] Come, sir, you blush; as his your case is such;
               You chide at him, offending twice as much;
               What would Lord Kent say if that he could hear
               Faith so infringèd, which such zeal did swear?
               He said it would be thus, poor banish'd man! 
               How would he scorn! how would he spend his wit!
               How would he triumph, leap and laugh at it!
               For all the wealth that ever I did see,
               I would not have him know so much by me.
            KENT 
               Now step I forth to whip hypocrisy.
               [Advancing] Ah, good my liege, I pray thee, pardon me!
               Good heart, what grace hast thou, thus to reprove
               These worms for loving, that art most in love?
               But are you not ashamed? nay, are you not,
               All three of you, to be thus much o'ershot?
            KING LEAR 
               Are we betray'd thus to thy over-view?
            KENT 
               Not you to me, but I betray'd by you:
               When shall you see me write a thing in rhyme?
               Or groan for love?
                  Enter JAQUENETTA
            JAQUENETTA
               God bless the king!
            KING LEAR 
                               What present hast thou there?
            JAQUENETTA 
               Some certain treason.
            KING LEAR 
                                What makes treason here?
            JAQUENETTA
               I beseech your grace, let this letter be read:
               The princess misdoubts it; 'twas treason, she said.
            KING LEAR 
               Good Kent, read it over.
                                                           Giving him the paper
                                  Where hadst thou it?
            JAQUENETTA
               Of Costard.
            KING LEAR 
               Where hadst thou it?
            COSTARD
               Of Lord of Gloucester, sir, my lord of Gloucestershire.
                                                           KENT tears the letter
            KING LEAR 
               How now! what is in you? why dost thou tear it?
            GLOUCESTER 
               It is in Kent's writing, and here is his name.
                                                        Gathering up the pieces
            KENT 
               [To COSTARD] 
               Ah, you whoreson loggerhead! you were born to do me shame.
               Guilty, my lord, guilty! I confess, I confess.
            KING LEAR 
               What?
            KENT 
               That you three fools lack'd me fool to make up the mess:
               He, he, and you, and you, my liege, and I,
               Are pick-purses in love, and we deserve to die.
               O, dismiss this audience, and I shall tell you more.
            JAQUENETTA 
               Walk aside the true folk, and let the traitors stay.
                                                                 Withdraws
            KENT 
               Sweet lords, sweet lovers, O, let us embrace!
               As true we are as flesh and blood can be:
               We cannot cross the cause why we were born;
               Therefore of all hands must we be forsworn.
            KING LEAR 
               What, did these rent lines show some love of thine?
            KENT 
               Did they, quoth you? Who sees that sweet divine,
               What peremptory eagle-sighted eye
               Dares look upon Cordelia's heavenly brow,
               That is not blinded by her majesty?
            KING LEAR 
               What zeal, what fury hath inspired thee now?
               My love, her mistress, is a gracious moon;
               She an attending star, scarce seen a light.
            KENT 
               My eyes are then no eyes, nor mid-day noon:
               O, but for my love, day would turn to night!
            KING LEAR 
               But what of this? are we not all in love?
            KENT 
               Nothing so sure; and thereby all forsworn.
            KING LEAR 
               Then leave this chat; and, good Sir Kent, now prove
               Our loving lawful, and our faith not torn.
            KENT 
               Have at you, then, affection's men at arms.
               Consider what you first did swear unto,
               To fast, to study, and to see no woman;
               O, we have made a vow to study, lords,
               And in that vow we have forsworn our books.
               For when would you, my liege, or you, or you,
               In leaden contemplation have found out
               Such fiery numbers as the prompting eyes
               Of beauty's tutors have enrich'd you with?
            COSTARD 
               Then fools we were these women to forswear,
            GLOUCESTER 
               Or keeping what is sworn, we will prove fools.
            KENT 
               Let us once lose our oaths to find ourselves,
               Or else we lose ourselves to keep our oaths.
            KING LEAR 
               Saint Cupid, then! and, soldiers, to the field!
            KENT 
               Advance your standards, and upon them, lords;
            GLOUCESTER 
               Shall we resolve to woo these girls, and France?
            KING LEAR 
               And win them too: therefore let us devise
               Some entertainment for them in their tents.
            KENT 
               First, from the park let us conduct them thither;
               Then homeward every man pursue the hand
               Of his fair mistress: in the afternoon
               We will with some strange pastime solace them.
            KING LEAR 
               Away, away! no time shall be omitted
               That will betime, and may by us be fitted.
            KENT 
               Allons! allons! Sow'd cockle reap'd no corn;
               Light wenches may prove plagues to men forsworn;
                                                  Exeunt all but GLOUCESTER and
                                                               JAQUENETTA
            GLOUCESTER 
               O, shall I say, I thank you, gentle wife? 
            JAQUENETTA 
               Not so, my lord; a twelvemonth and a day
               I'll mark no words that smooth-faced wooers say:
               Come when the king doth to his lady come;
               Then, if I have much love, I'll give you some.
                                                                    Exeunt
                                                                End of Act II

Forth!