Lear's Labour's Lost
                                                         copyright © 2007 Jeff Goode

                                 ACT III - Plighting & Fighting

            SCENE 1 - The French camp.
                  Enter KING LEAR and KENT
            KING LEAR 
               Fair friend, God save you! Where's the princess?
                  Enter BOYET
            BOYET
               Gone to her tent. Please it your majesty
               Command me any service to her thither?
            KING LEAR 
               That she vouchsafe me audience for one word.
            BOYET
               I will; and so will she, I know, my lord.
                                                                      Exit
            KING LEAR
               But how's my Kent? I have not seen thee this two days. 
            KENT 
               Since my young lady's going into France, sir, thy Kent hath much pined away. 
            KING LEAR 
               No more of that; I have noted it well. 
                  Enter OSWALD
               You, you, sirrah, where's my daughter?
            OSWALD
               So please you,--
            KING LEAR 
               Prithee, if thou lovest me, tell me.
            OSWALD 
               I love thee not.
                                                                      Exit
            KING LEAR
               What says the fellow there? Call the clotpoll back. 
                                                                  Exit KENT
               How now! Who's there? I think the world's asleep. 
                                                               Re-enter KENT
               How now! where's that mongrel?
            KENT 
               He says, my lord, your daughter is not well.
            KING LEAR
               Why came not the slave back to me when I called him? 
            KENT 
               Sir, he answered me in the roundest manner, he would not.
                                                              Re-enter OSWALD
               O, you sir, you, come you hither, sir: who am I, sir?
            OSWALD
               My lady's father.
            KING LEAR
               'My lady's father'! my lord's knave: your whoreson dog! you slave! you cur!
                                                                 Striking him
            OSWALD
               I'll not be struck, my lord.
            KENT
               Nor tripped neither, you base football player. 
                                                            Tripping up his heels
            KING LEAR  
               Come, sir, arise, away! 
                                                           Helping him to his feet
               Now, my friendly knave, I thank thee: there's earnest of thy service. 
                                                              Giving him money
               Go you, and tell my daughter I would speak with her. 
                                                                Exit OSWALD
            KENT 
               This fellow pecks up wit as pigeons pease,
               And utters it again when God doth please:
                  Enter the PRINCESS and CORDELIA, ushered by BOYET
            KING LEAR 
               All hail, sweet madam, and fair time of day!
               We came to visit you, and purpose now
               To lead you to our court; vouchsafe it then.
            PRINCESS
               This field shall hold me; and so hold your vow:
               Nor God, nor I, delights in perjured men.
            KING LEAR 
               Rebuke me not for that which you provoke:
               The virtue of your eye must break my oath.
            PRINCESS
               I would not yield to be your house's guest;
               So much I hate a breaking cause to be
               Of heavenly oaths, vow'd with integrity.
            CORDELIA 
               It was well done of you to take him at his word.
            PRINCESS 
               I was as willing to grapple as he was to board.
            CORDELIA 
               Two hot sheeps, marry.
            KENT 
                                And wherefore not ships?
               No sheep, sweet lamb, unless we feed on your lips.
            CORDELIA 
               You sheep, and I pasture: shall that finish the jest?
            KENT 
               So you grant pasture for me.
                                                            Offering to kiss her
            CORDELIA 
                                  Not so, gentle beast:
               My lips are no common, though several they be.
            KENT 
               Belonging to whom?
            CORDELIA 
                                 To my fortunes and me.
            PRINCESS 
               Good wits will be jangling; but, gentles, agree:
               This civil war of wits were much better used
               By Lear on his book-men; for here 'tis abused.
               I'll not endure it: 
            KING LEAR
               Doth any here know me? This is not Lear: 
               Doth Lear walk thus? speak thus? Where are his eyes? 
               Who is it that can tell me who I am? 
            PRINCESS 
               Lear's shadow.
            KING LEAR
               Detested kite! thou liest. 
            PRINCESS 
               You strike my people; and your disorder'd rabble  
               Make servants of their betters. 
            KING LEAR 
               Saddle my horses; call my train together:
               Degenerate bastard! I'll not trouble thee.
               No, do thy worst, blind Cupid! I'll not love. 
               Yet have I left my daughters.
                                                     Exit LEAR, KENT and Attendants
            BOYET
               If my observation, which very seldom lies,
               Deceive me not now, The King is infected.
               With that which we lovers entitle affected.
               I'll give you Aquitaine and all that is his,
               An you give him for my sake but one loving kiss.
                                                                   Exeunt

Forth!