Lear's Labour's Lost
                                                         copyright © 2007 Jeff Goode

            ACT III

            SCENE 4 - Before Goneril's castle.
                  Enter COSTARD and Musicians, serenading
            COSTARD 
               [Sings]
               If love make me forsworn, how shall I swear to love?
               Ah, never faith could hold, if not to beauty vow'd!
               Though to myself forsworn, to thee I'll faithful prove:
               Those thoughts to me were oaks, to thee like osiers bow'd.
               Celestial as thou art, O, pardon, love, this wrong,
               That sings heaven's praise with such an earthly tongue.
                  Enter GONERIL and EDMUND
            GONERIL 
               What would these strangers? know their minds, my Lord:
            EDMUND 
               What would you with the princess?
            COSTARD 
               Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.
            GONERIL 
               Why, that he has; and bid him so be gone.
            EDMUND 
               She says, you have it, and you may be gone.
            COSTARD 
               Say to her, I have measured many miles
               To tread a measure with her on this grass.
            GONERIL 
               Since you are strangers and come here by chance,
               We'll not be nice: take hands. We will not dance.
            COSTARD 
               Be not as prodigal of all dear grace
               As Nature was in making graces dear
               When she did starve the general world beside
               And prodigally gave them all to you.
            GONERIL  
               Come, come, you talk greasily; your lips grow foul. 
            COSTARD 
               I do forswear them; and I here protest,
               By this white glove;--how white the hand, God knows!--
               Henceforth my wooing mind shall be express'd
               In russet yeas and honest kersey noes:
            EDMUND    
               Why, what a monstrous fellow art thou, thus to rail on one that is neither known of thee nor
               knows thee! 
            COSTARD 
               Fellow, I know thee.
            EDMUND 
               What dost thou know me for?
            COSTARD 
               A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited,
               hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking knave, a
               whoreson, glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that
               wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave,
               beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch: one whom I will beat into
               clamorous whining, if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition.
                                                                To GONERIL
               Yes, forsooth, I will hold my tongue; so your face bids me, though you say nothing. 
                  Enter KING LEAR, KENT and Attendants
            KING LEAR 
               How now, daughter! what makes that frontlet on? Methinks you are too much of late i' the
               frown. 
            GONERIL
               Not only, sir, this your all-licensed fool, 
               But other of your insolent retinue 
               Do hourly carp and quarrel; breaking forth 
               In rank and not-to-be endurèd riots. 
               Sir, I had thought, by making this well known unto you, 
               To have found a safe redress; but now grow fearful, 
               By what yourself too late have spoke and done. 
            KING LEAR
               Are you our daughter?
            GONERIL
               Here do you keep a hundred knights and squires; 
               For instant remedy: be then desired 
               That the remainder, that shall still depend, 
               To be such men as may besort your age, 
               And know themselves and you.
            KING LEAR
                                   Darkness and devils!
               My train are men of choice and rarest parts, 
               O Lear, Lear, Lear! 
               Beat at this gate, that let thy folly in, 
                                                              Striking his head
               And thy dear judgment out! Go, go, my people.
            COSTARD 
               My lord, I am guiltless, as I am ignorant 
               Of what hath moved you.
            KING LEAR
                                 It may be so, my knave.
               Suspend thy purpose, if thou didst intend
               To make this creature fruitful!
               Hear, nature, hear; dear goddess, hear!
               Turn all her mother's pains and benefits
               To laughter and contempt; that she may feel
               How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
               To have a thankless child! Away, away!
            COSTARD 
               Now, gods that we adore, whereof comes this?
            KING LEAR
               I'll tell thee:
                                                                To GONERIL
                                 Life and death! I am ashamed
               That thou hast power to shake my manhood thus;
               Let it be so: yet have I left a daughter,
               Who, I am sure, is kind and comfortable:
               When she shall hear this of thee, with her nails
               She'll flay thy wolvish visage. Thou shalt find
               That I'll resume the shape which thou dost think
               I have cast off for ever: thou shalt,
               I warrant thee.
            COSTARD
               Shalt see thy other daughter will use thee kindly; for though she's as like this as a crab's like
               an apple, yet I can tell what I can tell.
            KING LEAR
               Why, what canst thou tell, my boy? 
            COSTARD 
               I can not tell.
            KING LEAR
               Go you before to Gloucester with these letters. Acquaint my daughter no further with any
               thing you know than comes from her demand out of the letter. If your diligence be not
               speedy, I shall be there afore you.
            COSTARD 
               I will not sleep, my lord, till I have delivered your letter.
                                                                To GONERIL
               Thou wast a pretty fellow when thou hadst no need to care for her frowning; now thou art an
               O without a figure: I am better than thou art now; I am a fool, thou art nothing. 
                                                     Exit COSTARD, LEAR and KENT
            EDMUND 
               The king is in high rage.
            GONERIL 
               'Tis best to give him way; he leads himself.
               What, have you writ that letter to my sister?
            EDMUND 
               Yes, madam.
            GONERIL 
               Thou, trusty servant 
               Shall pass between us: ere long you are like to hear, 
               If you dare venture in your own behalf, 
               A mistress's command. Wear this; spare speech; 
                                                               Giving a favour
               Decline your head: this kiss, if it durst speak,
               Would stretch thy spirits up into the air:
               Conceive, and fare thee well.
            EDMUND
               Yours in the ranks of death.
            GONERIL
               My most dear Gloucester! 
               O, the difference of man and man!
               To thee a woman's services are due:
               My fool usurps my body.
                                     Get you gone; 
               And hasten your return. 
                                                                    Exeunt

Forth!