Renaissance Final Word
I am almost positive that these will be my last words:
I would like to thank the Academy
For this lifetime achievement award.
Id like to think this is an acknowledgement of my 300 films,
But more than likely, its your way of thanking me
For building the new Kodak Theatre/Art Museum & Cyber Café
I am sorry that I cannot be with you there in person,
But I had to be here in Sweden tonight
To accept the Nobel Prize in Medicine
For helping to develop the battery-operated emergency resuscitator.
I am grateful to the Swedes for rescheduling their ceremony
So that I could accept both awards on the same night, because,
As most of you know,
I only have 15 minutes to live.
I know its not like me to be so pessimistic about my prognosis,
But Im pretty sure its going to be 15 minutes, because,
As the Wall Street Journal reported,
I passed away 3 weeks ago,
And Im only appearing before you tonight
Thanks to the emergency resuscitator.
Which, unfortunately, has a battery charge of exactly 15 minutes.
(So please hold your applause till Im dead.)
Perhaps my daughter will design a better battery pack
When she gets back from space.
But I guess thats my own fault for suggesting
That she attend the upcoming Renaissance Weekénd,
And for offering to host it
At the International Peace Station on Mars.
(But I thought it would be fun to have it somewhere with a thinner atmosphere than Park City.)
I have already thanked my lovely wife, and my lovely agent.
But I would be remiss if I did not also thank
All the amazing people Ive met at Renaissance,
Over the last 125 years,
For reminding me that
The first, and most important step
In achieving the impossible
Is daring to have the ambition to do so.
I guess Id better go now.
Theres about 12 minutes left on this battery.
and Ive still got a lot to do.
"If These Were My Last Remarks"
Renaissance, September 4, 2006