by Jeff Goode
(LIGHTS UP on: DOGLOVER.)
When I was a boy, I had a dog named Fluffy.
Fluffy was the best dog. Some sort of labrador retriever mutt my Mom got me from the pound after my Father left.
Yeah. Like I didn't know what that was about.
Fluffy was a short hair. So I don't know where the name Fluffy came from.
But there were a lot of things about that dog I never really understood.
Fluffy and me used to go for long walks in the woods out behind the house.
Anything to be away from my family.
Chasing sticks in the weeds. Playing water games in the old crick till we were both muddy as hell.
I loved that dog.
One day, after one of our walks, I snuck old Fluff up to my room to try and comb out all the burrs before my Mom found out what we'd been up to.
You know how sleek and smooth a dog feels after you've brushed out all its fur? Like velvet.
I was sitting on the bed running my hands over Fluffy's coat.
And Fluffy was in one of those licky moods. You know how dogs get.
Well, one thing led to another and...
We made love.
I guess, subconsciously it was an act of defiance. That the bedroom door was still open a crack.
When my Mom walked by, she let out a scream like you would not believe.
But nothing she could do could ever tear us apart.
So she called my Step-dad and he dragged up the garden hose and turned it on Fluffy. That got us apart.
...And that's how I found out my dog was gay.
I guess it's not something you can do anything about either.
You're either that way or you're not. But there's no changing.
So we had to put him down.
Step-dad let me pull the trigger.
Said it was good for me.
...But I still miss that dog.
(BLACKOUT)"Doglover" IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
First performed at No Shame Los Angeles on June 6, 2003.