by Jeff Goode
copyright © 2005
SHAVEE Somebody shaved me.
MATE Wasnt me.
SHAVEE Did you shave me last night while I was asleep?
SHAVEE Then why am I clean shaven?
MATE You have a goatee.
SHAVEE You know what I mean.
MATE (snickers) (recovering:) Maybe it was one of the kids. Jackson! (off his glare:) What?
SHAVEE Yknow, theres shaving cream right next to the sink in the bathroom.
MATE It was a joke.
SHAVEE Just sitting there. Next to the razors. Very convenient.
MATE It was a prank. It wasnt supposed to be perfect. Its supposed to be funny.
SHAVEE I see, so that excuses your sloppy workmanship?
SHAVEE Yknow, if my appearance bothers you--
MATE It was a joke!
SHAVEE All Im saying You couldve said something. I could have done it myself. I shouldnt have to wake up with little bits of toilet paper stuck all over. (beat) (scratches a bit, down there)
MATE All right, Im sorry. Okay? Are you happy?
SHAVEE (sulks) No.
SHAVEE I think you know.
MATE No, I dont know. What?
SHAVEE (no response)
MATE What else is bothering you?
SHAVEE Somebody waxed me.
MATE You were like that when I got there.
SHAVEE (beat) Those damn kids. Jackson!
(BLACKOUT)THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR
First performed at No Shame Los Angeles on May 13, 2005.