by Jeff Goode
copyright © 2007
Dear Mom and Dad,
I am writing to you because Ive decided to have an abortion.
I know this must come as a surprise to you, because we havent spoken or talked since you threw me out of your house for having sex with that boy who was NOT a drug dealer like you keep saying, Dad and we werent even having that much sex, thanks to all your nosing around, Mom.
But you were both so attached to the idea of your holy virgin daughter that I was dead to you the minute you caught us doing oral in the garage on top of the washer/dryer. And I still wonder why you were doing laundry at that hour on a weeknight. But I never got to ask because you werent really interested in talking about anything that happened that night, or later that week, or any time in the past 6 months since you threw me out and changed the locks.
Which that was a really nice touch because not like I wasnt feeling rejected enough after you threw me out and Danny left me that was his name, Danny for some other girl who still HAS a garage. Not that you care.
So now I live in the car you got me for high school graduation if you can call it a life livin in the street, on the run from my own parents, cuz Im sure you reported it as stolen the minute I was out of the house, didnt you, Dad?
Which is the main reason why Ive decided to go through with this abortion. Because the most adult thing I can do right now is live up to the fact that some people just shouldnt be parents. Youre living proof of that. If you cant give a child a loving home, where they can grow up safe and healthy and especially SAFE. Yknow, like not having to look both ways for traffic before they get out of bed in the morning.
If you cant protect a child from the world, the way I see it, maybe that child shouldnt be brought into the world.
I know thats not what you believe in, Mom, obviously. Cuz thats the only reason why you had me, even though you and Dad hated each other and you still blame me for being the thing that kept you together.
But that was your choice. And all the rest of us had to live with it.
But now Im old enough to make my own choices. And you have to live with it.
And I know its going to upset you, but Ive made my decision.
And Ive decided that the two of you arent fit to be parents.
(She takes out a knife or a bottle of pills.)
First performed at No Shame Los Angeles on March 2, 2007.