Have You Heard the News?
by Jeff Goode
copyright © 2010
THIS SCRIPT IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL AND MAY NOT BE DOWNLOADED, TRANSMITTED, PRINTED OR PERFORMED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR(BETA frets.) (ALPH enters)
ALPH Have you heard the news?
BETA I know!
ALPH What are we going to do?
BETA What if we run around in circles?(THEY DO!!)
BETA Well, I feel better.
ALPH Do you think it worked?
BETA (shrugs) Why wouldn't it.(CLEM enters)
CLEM Have you heard the news?
ALPH I thought we fixed that!
BETA Calm down.
ALPH What are we gonna do?
CLEM What if we run around in circles?
BETA We tried that!
BETA Just now!
CLEM Well, try it again! (CLEM RUNS) (BETA shrugs, RUNS)
ALPH This isn't going to work. (ALPH runs)
CLEM We can't give up now!(They run) (Finally CLEM stops)
ALPH Now what?
BETA Now we wait and see.(DREW enters)
DREW Have you heard the news?
BETA & ALPH Dammit!
CLEM I give up.
BETA We just ran around in circles.
DREW All three of you?
BETA & ALPH & CLEM Yeah.
DREW But that's impossible!
BETA I know!!
ALPH I told you.
DREW I'm not giving up. (DREW RUNS)
BETA Dammit (BETA RUNS)(ALPH & CLEM RUN)
ALPH This isn't gonna work.(They run) (Finally BETA stops)
BETA Okay, now…(EDEN enters)
EDEN Have you heard the news?
ALPH & BETA & CLEM & DREW Dammit!(ALPH, BETA & CLEM run)
EDEN What are you doing?
BETA Running around in circles!
EDEN (beat) But you're going the wrong way!(THEY ALL STOP)
ALPH & BETA & CLEM & DREW What?!?
EDEN You're going the wrong way.
ALPH I told you this would never work!
BETA I'm not the one who wanted to run around in circles.
CLEM Yes, you did! It was all your idea.
BETA You weren't here!!
CLEM I was here before him/her. (points at DREW)
DREW I was just trying to help!
ALPH This is all YOUR fault. (points at EDEN)
EDEN I just got here!
BETA Yeah, and we were doing fine until you got here.
ALPH & CLEM & DREW Yeah!
EDEN You're not doing fine!
ALPH & BETA & CLEM Yeah, we are!
DREW Till you came along.
EDEN Fine! I'm leaving!
ALPH So what?!
CLEM Good riddance!
DREW Yeah, who cares?!(EDEN exits)(ALPH, BETA, CLEM & DREW exchange glances.)(They begin running in the opposite direction.)(BLACKOUT)
First performed at No Shame Roanoke on July 30, 2010.
ALPH ... Samantha Macher
BETA ... Jeff Goode
CLEM ... Chad Runyon
DREW ... Jonathan G. Galvez
EDEN ... Sarah Marie