The Portrait of the Virgin Mary Feeding the Dinosaurs by Jeff Goode (copyright © 1994)

THE PORTRAIT OF THE VIRGIN MARY FEEDING THE DINOSAURS BY JEFF GOODE IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL, AND MAY NOT BE PERFORMED, DOWNLOADED, OR RE-TRANSMITTED WITHOUT THE AUTHOR'S CONSENT.

(sound of a garage door opening)

The Cafe Saurus

Phil. She said something to me the other day.

Jack. What's that?

Phil. People don't live forever.

Jack. They don't?

Phil. No.

Jack. That's strange, I thought they did.

Phil. You did???

Jack. (a bit offended:) I did not!

Phil. You said you did.

Jack. No, I didn't, they did.

Phil. They did?

Jack. I thought they did.

Phil. You thought they lived forever?

Jack. I thought they did.

Phil. You didn't.

Jack. Didn't you?

Phil. No, I didn't.

Jack. That's strange, I thought you would.

Phil. Why would you think that?

Jack. You seem like the type.

Phil. You think I seem like the type who thinks people live forever?

Jack. Good God, no! What gives you that idea?

Phil. That's what you said.

Jack. Why would you think people lived forever?

Phil. I don't.

Jack. Then why did you say it?

Phil. I didn't say any such thing.

Jack. People don't live forever.

Phil. I know.

Jack. You do?

Phil. That's what I said in the first place.

Jack. Are you sure?

Phil. Yes.

Jack. Oh. Then, I must have misunderstood you.

Phil. What did you think we were talking about?

Jack. I don't remember now.

(sound of a garage door closing)

(sound of a garage door opening)

(A dancer is refilling their coffee.)

Phil.	So the other day she says to me "Nobody lives forever"
Jack.	Oh, I know.
Phil.	And it made me think.
Jack.	Everybody's gonna die.
Phil.	Exactly.
Jack.	The mind just reels.
Phil.	Exactly. ...what do you mean?
Jack.	Well, you had such hopes, such aspirations...
Phil.	Exactly.
Jack.	I mean, what's the point if it all just ends.
Phil.	Is something wrong? I feel like we're on the same wavelength.

(garage door closes and opens)

Phil.	She said something last week that really made me think.
Jack.	Really?
Phil.	"You're not gonna live forever."
Jack.	Don't threaten me, Phil.
Phil.	Nobody lives forever.
Jack.	Nobody?
Phil.	Nobody.
Jack.	That hardly seems fair.
Phil.	If it was fair, it wouldn't be life.
Jack.	What would it be?
Phil.	Everything is transient.
Jack.	No, seriously, what would it be, 'cause I wanna get some.
Phil.	It's mind boggling when you think about it.
Jack.	I'd rather not think about it.
Phil.	Our... everything, our -- what do you call this? Our race.
Jack.	We're going to die.
Phil.	We're going to die out.
Jack.	Scary.
Phil.	It gives one pause.

(Phil pauses, Jack looks at his paws.)

PHIL	JACK
I mean, look at us, Jack.
	When you think about it, it's
What do we do?	really a helluva coincidence.
We work, we try to... what?	I mean, how many of us are there?
Make money, I guess.	Millions?
And why? Why do we need	Or is it billions now? And how
money?	many are going to live forever?
To buy things?	You would think there would be at
Household appliances.	least two or three.
A new car.	But no, every single time: Born, dead. Born,
	dead. Born, dead.
Maybe save up for that	What are the odds of that?
vacation.	You know,
Then summer comes and fall,	the more I think about it,
and that vacation's behind	the more preposterous it sounds.
us. And we start saving for
next summer.	Everybody can't die.
It all goes by so fast.	That's too much of a coincidence.
So maybe you play it smart,	There must be someone.
plan ahead. Work harder,
try to put something away	Well, look at us!
for retirement.
Work and save, work and save	We're not dead yet.
But it doesn't matter,	How do we know we're not gonna live
because you can't take it	forever?
with you.
And we're all gonna die.	Maybe I'm the one.
It isn't fair. We want	Maybe I'm that one in a million who
something... a legacy, a	just happens to live forever.
future.
So maybe you have children.	Like winning the lottery.
Two or three, maybe five.	It's possible.
And now your life has
meaning, something to live	No, it's not possible.
for. For the kids, for	Who am I kidding?
their trust fund. Their	I've never won anything in my life.
college fund. To make sure
they get something in the
will. So the grandkids	You might live, but I'm dead.
have something. Something
to remember you by. And the
great grandchildren. But	I may as well give it up right now.
maybe you don't have grand-
children. Maybe your kids	And go throw myself in a tarpit.
don't want kids. Or maybe,	This is so depressing.
God forbid, something	I can't believe I've wasted my
happens. Nobody lives for-	life.
ever, you know. How many	I don't even own a digital watch.
family trees have been cut
off at the trunk?	Maybe I should donate my body to
So what do you do?	science.

Still you work, struggle to...
Make a mark.
Have an impact on society as a whole,
or maybe you wanna go down in history.
Something, whatever,
something to live on after we're gone and after our kids and their kids are gone.
Something eternal.
But what if that dies?
What if civilization as we know it just dies out, or self destructs, or inbreeds to the point that roaches become the dominant species, or dolphins. And Lord knows a dolphin doesn't care if you wrote the definitive text on crosstraining.
What do you do then?

Jack. You really wanna know?

Phil. Yes.

Jack. Are you buying lunch? 'Cause if I give you the answer to this one, I expect at least a sandwich.

(sound of a garage door closing with a resounding slam)

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Phil.	She said something to me the other day.
Jack.	What's that?
Phil.	People don't live forever.
Jack.	They don't?
Phil.	No.
Jack.	That's strange, I thought they did.
Phil.	You did???
Jack.	(a bit offended:) I did not!
Phil.	You said you did.
Jack.	No, I didn't, they did.
Phil.	They did?
Jack.	I thought they did.
Phil.	You thought they lived forever?
Jack.	I thought they did.
Phil.	You didn't.
Jack.	Didn't you?
Phil.	No, I didn't.
Jack.	That's strange, I thought you would.
Phil.	Why would you think that?
Jack.	You seem like the type.
Phil.	You think I seem like the type who thinks people live forever?
Jack.	Good God, no! What gives you that idea?
Phil.	That's what you said.
Jack.	Why would you think people lived forever?
Phil.	I don't.
Jack.	Then why did you say it?
Phil.	I didn't say any such thing.
Jack.	People don't live forever.
Phil.	I know.
Jack.	You do?
Phil.	That's what I said in the first place.
Jack.	Are you sure?
Phil.	Yes.
Jack.	Oh. Then, I must have misunderstood you.
Phil.	What did you think we were talking about?
Jack.	I don't remember now.

Jack.	You really wanna know?
Phil.	Yes.
Jack.	Are you buying lunch? 'Cause if I give you the answer to this one, I expect at least a sandwich.