THE PORTRAIT OF THE VIRGIN MARY FEEDING THE DINOSAURS BY JEFF
GOODE IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL, AND MAY NOT BE PERFORMED,
DOWNLOADED, OR RE-TRANSMITTED WITHOUT THE AUTHOR'S CONSENT.
(lights crossfade up on Leveaux, holding a can of mace. He waits for
Rafael's screams to fade)
A History of Mace
LEVEAUX
This is mace. It is a nonlethal chemical defense spray invented in 1967 by the U.S. Military, but
came into widespread use during the late '70s, early '80s as a personal anti-assault weapon. The
original mace was a non-alcohol bipolymer astringent spray containing purified tear gas and
chemical solvents, but other versions available today may be composed of dichlorodiethyl sulfide -
a form of mustard gas, dilute sodium citric acid, or a simple composition of finely powdered
Chilean jalapeno peppers.
(he takes out a small glass eye)
This is the human eye. It has a complicated system of 450 million pain sensing neurons spread
over a surface area of less than 2 square inches.
(he sprays the eye with mace, and screams
grotesquely)
AEYAIYAIYAYAGGAYAH!
(he takes out a gigantic eyeball.)
This is the eye of a Paleocene Diplodocus. It has the same number of nerve endings
spread over an area about the size of a basketball.
(he dribbles the eyeball)
Yet the effect of mace is essentially the same.
(he sprays the dinosaur eye with mace. Thunderous sound of a
dinosaur's bellow of pain rocks the stage)
Unfortunately, their fingers were too big to operate the tiny spray can.
(puts the eyeball away.)
The effects of mace usually last 15 to 20 minutes, but can persist for up to 2 hours in some
subjects.
