THE PORTRAIT OF THE VIRGIN MARY FEEDING THE DINOSAURS BY JEFF GOODE IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL, AND MAY NOT BE PERFORMED, DOWNLOADED, OR RE-TRANSMITTED WITHOUT THE AUTHOR'S CONSENT.
Sexual Harassment
(Leveaux wearing a white turtleneck.)

LEVEAUX
One in three women is the victim of rape. That means that in an audience of about this size, sixteen1 of the women have been raped at least once, or will be soon. Also, in most cases of sexual assault the woman, whether she be a young girl, a grown woman, a boy or an adult male, she usually (50%) knows her attacker. This means that in the United States alone, there are 25 million such assailants. It means that 3 or 4 of those sex offenders are here tonight as well. (Although, hopefully none of the molesters of the sixteen women, since that would be in very poor taste.)
(pause)
25 million! Some of them right here in this room!! How is that possible??

(calmly:) Well, of course, it's not. That would be absurd. Our statistics have misled us somehow. Actually, in this country there is a dangerous contingent of two hundred fifty hardened criminals - pardon the expression - who commit all of these crimes. That is about five in each state. The chances of your meeting on of these men on the street are quite remote... Or one in three if you are a woman.

These supercriminals have been virtually unstoppable in the past. But law enforcement officials believe that a groundbreaking new suspect profile will make these perpetrators easily recognizable, and we should have them all off the street and in custody by the end of the year.

First, each of these men will commit 250,000 rapes in his life time. That's an average of 5000 per year during a normal lifespan, or 100 victims per week. Therefore these men have incredible, perhaps superhuman stamina. Possibly manifesting itself in enlarged glands or a hulking physique.

Second, 50% of all victims know their attackers. So obviously these men really get around. They go to parties, concerts. Are very very extroverted. They meet a lot of people, yet they rarely speak to other men since there just isn't enough time. In fact, given the time it takes to meet, corner, disrobe and assault their victims, these men have little time for other pleasantries, such as undressing themselves. So mostly they travel naked.

Be on the lookout. If you see one of these charismatic nude behemoths, do not attempt to apprehend him yourself. Contact the FBI and inform them that you have spotted a suspect from the Pink Profile.

(he brandishes the pink sheet of paper)
The agent in charge will know what you are talking about.
(long pause, holding up the pink sheet)
Now that is absurd.
(he tears the pink profile in half, throws it away)
There is no pink profile. Most of the 50 million rapes, sexual abuses and molestations in this country are committed by seemingly normal persons. Friends, family members.

People like the three or four men in this audience.

People like me.

I was in my second year of college. It was the night after my 21st birthday. I was at a bar with a young woman who I had dated twice. I was drinking, she was not because she was underage. But I shared my beer with her, and to be honest, I think we both drank quite a bit. Later, I invited her to my apartment to watch television, but my roommate was asleep, so we sat on the couch in the dark, nervously making small talk in hushed voices and touching each other.

(pause)

...We had removed our pants. Our shirts, and she had allowed me to unfasten her bra, which hooked in front. I was aroused, having never been so intimate with this young woman before. We "made out" on the couch. I found that by pulling her underwear to the side I could feel her... pudenda... without having to remove her panties. The first time I touched her there, I could tell she was surprised. She sort of grabbed my hand and kind of pushed it away. But continued to kiss me on the mouth. And after the third or fourth time I placed my hand inside her panties, she did not push it away, but she kept one of her hands clenched about my wrist.

A few minutes later--

(he looks around helplessly, he needs a drink of water, someone brings him one, and he continues.)
We were already lying approximately in the missionary position, so it was a simple matter to slip my own ... private parts out of my underwear and press it against her vulva. At this point she grabbed me by the shoulders and said in a hushed voice, so as not to disturb my roommate. "Maybe I should go home now". I remember both of us being frozen there like that for a moment, and I remember looking into her eyes...
(pause as he looks out, trying to recapture what he was thinking at that moment.)

(bewildered:) Then I think I said, "I love you," and buried my face in her hair as I guided my... self into her with my fingers. And I thought I heard her whisper "No" so I looked up and when I saw her face again, it looked like tears might be welling up in her eyes. And I said, "Do you want me to stop?" At this point, I was already deep inside her. And I think she was trembling a little, but she didn't seem frightened or angry. Only... sad. And when it seemed like she wasn't going to say anything... I completed the sex act.

(pause)
She was very quite as we dressed ourselves, and I felt this ache in my stomach, like I'd done something wrong.
(not sure he believes it:)
...but I hadn't done anything wrong. Before she left, I said, "I'm sorry." ... And so did she.
...But I don't remember who said it first. And she went home.
(he sits there, lost.)
(distant sound of thunderous footsteps.)
(Leveaux hangs his head or buries his face in his hands.)
(sound of thunderous footsteps approaching.)
(Leveaux realizes that the next scene has started and he is supposed to be offstage already, he takes his chair with him. Lights out.)

1figure for a 75 to 100-seat house

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