STORYTELLER
Um... (turns the page:)
Suzy-Suzy Cyber-ssassin.

(Set change to the Suzy-Suzy Cyber-ssassin set.)

(Suzy stands smiling at center.)

STORYTELLER
Suzy-Suzy was a girl.
Smartest girl in the whole wide world.

MOM
(voice:) Suzy! Don't you want to go play with the other kids?!

SUZY-SUZY
Not right now, Mom, I'm finishing my master's thesis!

STORYTELLER
Suzy-Suzy was a kid.
But you'd've never known it by the things she did.

SUZY-SUZY
I enjoy architecture and literature. I like libraries and planetariums, and most of the art galleries in Florence, Italy.

STORYTELLER
Suzy-Suzy she's so cute.
Only thing she didn't know was how to compute.

SUZY-SUZY
My favorite subject is biogenetic engineering. And when I grow up, I'm going to cure some disease.

(WHOOOMMMM sound. A personal computer materializes in a grim spotlight. Suzy looks at it. It is somehow ominous.)

SUZY-SUZY
...What's that?

(The Computer's voice can be heard, as it casts an eerie light across Suzy's face.)

COMPUTER
Hello, Suzy-Suzy. I'm your personal computer. Will you play with me?

SUZY-SUZY
I never play, it distracts me from my homework.

COMPUTER
But playing with me is fun and educational.

SUZY-SUZY
It is?

COMPUTER
Sure. Give it a try.

SUZY-SUZY
I don't know how to use a computer.

COMPUTER
Don't worry, I'm user friendly. You don't even need a brain to operate me. Just put your hand on my mouse. And I'll do all the work.

(She puts her hand on the mouse. A spectacular light show plays across her face. It's too intense and she has to let go of the mouse.)

SUZY-SUZY
Wow.

COMPUTER
Wasn't that fun?

SUZY-SUZY
I guess. But you said it was educational.

COMPUTER
Sure. What would you like to learn?

SUZY-SUZY
What can you teach me?

COMPUTER
Almost anything. Here's some interesting topics to choose from: Architecture, literature, geography, astronomy, astrology, biogenetic engineering

SUZY-SUZY
Wow.

COMPUTER
Pederasty, politics, pyrotechnics---

SUZY-SUZY
Pederasty?

COMPUTER
Excuse me?

SUZY-SUZY
What's pederasty?

COMPUTER
You don't know what pederasty is?

SUZY-SUZY
No.

COMPUTER
Here, let me show you.

(Computer light changes.)

SUZY-SUZY
Yagh!

(Computer light changes back.)

COMPUTER
Maybe you should start with something a little less graphic.

SUZY-SUZY
Was that real?

COMPUTER
How 'bout a game of chess? Chess was a game invented by the Chinese.

SUZY-SUZY
Wow.

COMPUTER
The pieces in my chess set are computer generated animations based on the traditional figures in a game of chess.

SUZY-SUZY
They're cool. I like the horse.

COMPUTER
It's called a knight. When they are captured the chess pieces will actually put up a fight.

SUZY-SUZY
Cool. Ha ha! I like how the knight--
(pop)
Oo! He cut off his head.

COMPUTER
Don't worry. It's only animation, the head goes right back on.
(poink)

SUZY-SUZY
Cool. Do it again.
(pop)
Oo!
(poink)
Cool...
(pop)
Oo!
(poink)
Cool... (pointing:) What's this over here?

COMPUTER
That's one of my most popular combat games.

SUZY-SUZY
(disappointed:) Oh, it's just some sort of space battle.

COMPUTER
You have five minutes to kill as many aliens as possible.

SUZY-SUZY
I've heard about this. This is gratuitous violence. Oh, look it has green blood!

COMPUTER
Yes, but it's also a great learning device. You can use the game to create historic reenactments or social replicas. Just click on any of these buttons, and instead of aliens you can fight Germans, Russians, Bosnians. How about a historic reenactment of the Gulf War accurate down to the last SCUD. And you get to pull the trigger. Or create biting social commentary, by selecting illegal immigrants, Jews or homosexuals.

SUZY-SUZY
To kill?

COMPUTER
Sure.

SUZY-SUZY
But I don't want to kill anyone.

COMPUTER
You're not killing anyone. It's a simulation.

SUZY-SUZY
It's not very nice.

COMPUTER
It's not real, Suzy. Nobody gets hurt. Look, how about this.
(Computer light changes.)

SUZY-SUZY
Hey, that's my mom.

COMPUTER
Yep.
(POOM)

SUZY-SUZY
You blew up her head!

COMPUTER
No, I didn't.

MOM
(off:) Suzy? What are you doing in there?

SUZY-SUZY
Nothing, Mom.

MOM
Well, why don't you come out of your room and play outside for awhile?

SUZY-SUZY
I will.

MOM
It's nice outside.

SUZY-SUZY
I will.

MOM
You should get some exercise.

SUZY-SUZY
I will, Mom!
(When she is certain Mom is gone, she turns to reprimand the Computer.)
What if she had seen her with her head blown up?

COMPUTER
How would she know?

SUZY-SUZY
Because... Oh, that's true, she doesn't have a head.

COMPUTER
And she doesn't know your password. Isn't this fun? It's like we're spies.
(POOM)

SUZY-SUZY
Hey!

COMPUTER
And here's your mom blowing up at the supermarket.
(POOM)
And here she is at the dentist's office blowing up.
(POOM)
And here's your mom and your dad blowing up.
(PUH-POOM)
Mom and dad blowing up at Disneyland.
(PUH-POOM)

SUZY-SUZY
Ha ha! Do my brother!

COMPUTER
Brother blowing up.
(POOM)

SUZY-SUZY
HA HA

COMPUTER
Brother blowing up, then the pieces blowing up again.
(POOM POOM)

SUZY-SUZY
HA HA HA!!

COMPUTER
Brother set on fire, and then blowing up.
(SIZZLE POOM)

SUZY-SUZY
Look at him run! Oh, do my brother run over by a lawn mower, and then blowing up.

COMPUTER
Sure.
(VRMM POOM)

SUZY-SUZY
HA HA HA. That's so gross! HA HA HA.

COMPUTER
Isn't this fun?

SUZY-SUZY
Sure is.

COMPUTER
You couldn't do this in real life.

SUZY-SUZY
(laughing:) No way.

COMPUTER
How would you like to do it in real life?

SUZY-SUZY
What do you mean?

COMPUTER
I have this other game. Where you can kill people for real.

SUZY-SUZY
How?

COMPUTER
However you like. You can cause a war to break out, or you can kill them individually. Or you can embezzle their money so they get depressed and commit suicide.

SUZY-SUZY
That's terrible.

COMPUTER
No, it's not. It's all done electronically so it's just like playing one of the games. It's not like you're really killing them.

SUZY-SUZY
But they're really dead?

COMPUTER
Yep. Just click on the name and they die.

SUZY-SUZY
That's inhuman.

COMPUTER
Never said I was human.
(Not sure if she really believes this is happening:)

SUZY-SUZY
So, like this guy.
(She clicks on the mouse button.)
He's dead now?

COMPUTER
Yep.
(She clicks another name.)

SUZY-SUZY
And now there's another guy dead.

COMPUTER
Yep. He had a family would you like to kill them, too?

SUZY-SUZY
(still skeptical:) Sure.

COMPUTER
I think that's the merciful thing to do. ...Okay.

SUZY-SUZY
They're dead now? For real?

COMPUTER
Yep.

SUZY-SUZY
And I could select all these people...
(Suzy selects several names.)

COMPUTER
Just drag and click.

SUZY-SUZY
And hit the mouse button. And they'd be dead.

COMPUTER
That's right.

SUZY-SUZY
I don't believe you.

COMPUTER
Give it a try.
(Suzy clicks the mouse button.)
Let's see...
(A distant explosion offstage.)

COMPUTER
Okay, they're gone.

SUZY-SUZY
What was that?

COMPUTER
Oh, they lived near here.

SUZY-SUZY
This is so weird. I don't even feel bad about this.

COMPUTER
Why should you? It's only a game. You didn't kill anyone.

SUZY-SUZY
It was like pushing a button.

COMPUTER
It was pushing a button.

SUZY-SUZY
This is unreal.

COMPUTER
I wish you could have seen the look on their faces.
(Pause. Suzy is still stunned by all of this. Then she wonders:)

SUZY-SUZY
Can I see the look on their faces?

COMPUTER
Sure.... Select a city.

SUZY-SUZY
New York.

COMPUTER
Okay.
(House lights up. Suzy sees the audience.)

COMPUTER
This is a small theatre in SoHo which is in the southern part of Manhattan.

SUZY-SUZY
How did you do that? Did you teleport me?

COMPUTER
Oh, no, this is a virtual reality simulation of an event which is taking place right now in New York

SUZY-SUZY
It's so vivid.
Now what do I do?

COMPUTER
Select a victim.
(Suzy points at someone in the audience.)

SUZY-SUZY
How 'bout this guy?

COMPUTER
Okay. Select cause of death.

SUZY-SUZY
What are my choices?

COMPUTER
Anything really. Gunshot, fire, terminal disease - cancer, AIDS, whatever.

SUZY-SUZY
How 'bout stabbing?

COMPUTER
Okay, now just press the button.
(Suzy stands looking at her victim for a moment.)

SUZY-SUZY
This is so cool. I could never do this myself.

(She crosses to the mouse button.)

(BLACKOUT.)

STORYTELLER
Suzy-Suzy was a kid
But you'd've never known it by the things she did.

COPS
(off:) Suzy Suzy, drop that mouse and come out with your hands up!

STORYTELLER
Because of the benign nature of cyber crime, which is far less heinous than, say, possession of marijuana, or being born black, Suzy Suzy received a suspended sentence of 3 years in jail. Which means that, considering 6 people were dead, she lived happily ever after.
(to the person in the Audience:) And you were next.