ERIC
I swallowed my bitch.

JEFF
WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT???
Will she say...

(Stephanie's lines:)

#1

Was she good? ...y'know, tasty? Like a weasel.

#2

Your bitch? That was my bitch!

#3

You name your pens?

#4

Ha ha ha ha ha. No, really, where is she?

#5

You lucky cur.

#6

She was not yours to swallow

#7

I see. And how long have you been having these... delusions.

#8

She seemed so happy at first.

#9

That's not the last bitch you'll be swallowing if you don't come clean right now, Jasper.

#10

I've never said this to anyone before, but I love Eu... thenasia.

#11

What about the drugs, you idiot? Did you swallow the drugs?

#12

I've never heard it called that.

#13

Awoo!! Victory is mine!

#14

She was never your bitch. She roamed where she wanted to. She was a free spirit. Not like you. Not like me.

#15

Her name was Nina, you pig!

#16

That's one happy tapeworm.

#17

Oh, God, that means I could be next! We've got to get you to a clinic.

#18

I got it on all videotape!

#19

Styrofoam? That's impossible.

#20

You must be choking.

#21

This reminds me of a story. You got a minute?

#22

We're so proud of you. ...Mr. Throat.

#23

Well, we could induce vomiting, but she'll burn on the way up, too.

#24

(pointing at her mouth:) Then who am I eating?

#25

Parts of her anyway, you repulsive creature.

#26

It was the merciful thing to do.

#27

After the way she treated you. She's lucky you didn't swallow her whole village.

#28

You're not an animal!

#29

That's the most astounding story I have ever heard in my entire life. Tell it again.

#30

Don't talk that way about your mother.

#31

She's not a bitch. She's male. You swallowed a man.

#32

Daddy? Where's Mommy? I thought I heard her screaming. And kind of gurgling.

#33

They call me Black Widow. And you're just the man I'm looking for. Is there some place we can talk? Some place dark and private? Or shall I kill you and eat you right here? Oops. Can you pretend I didn't just say that?

#34

Ms. Stoneworthy is one of our most valued clients. ...What have you done?

#35

Woof! (short pause) Woof!

#36

I guess one man's bitch is another man's sushi. I'm sorry, that was cruel.

#37

Mmm. Spicy!

#38

WHERE ARE THE CHILDREN???

#39

If you're looking for sympathy, you came to the wrong hospital.

#40

How delightfully evil.

#41

Me next! Me next!

#42

The dog? But, honey, I made dinner.

#43

(guessing:) Do The Right Thing! Clockers!
You're sure it was a Spike Lee joint?

#44

Or did she swallow you? Who's telling the truth here?

#45

This is the police! We know you have the girl inside. No pun intended.

#46

I forgive you, Jack. I want to kill you, but I forgive you. Maybe I'll kill you later, but right now I forgive you. I'm like a saint that way. And we've both had our share of sorrow.

#47

You laugh now. But she was fucking your car.

#48

You better be telling me the truth. I better not come back here and find her walking around outside your body. Or if I do, she better be covered with stomach acid.

#49

No, Johnny, it's me! I'm right here! Why doesn't he see me?

#50

Are there any animals in my mouth?

#51

If you touch me again, I'm going to scream.

#52

You lack the characteristics one generally looks for in a mate. But I'm willing to make this work for the good of the gene pool.

#53

MEANWHILE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GALAXY. (in character:) Sparky! Sparky! Where are you, you naughty shapeshifter?

#54

By the time I get done with you, you're gonna wish you'd swallowed the whole team.

#55

Hark! The mating call of the blue-bellied bitch sucker

#56

How do you maintain your corporeal form?

#57

Do you know how aroused I am right now? I mean, exactly?

#58

Captain! We're under attack! We've lost contact with the base, and the weapons systems are down! Wait, where's the Captain?

#59

I was hoping we could go see a suspense movie. But now I think I'll just wait here and see if you explode.

#60

Life's a bitch, Charlie. And we've all got to take a big bite. Now, maybe I'm mixing my metaphors, but you never were one to take Life one bite at a time. You always sucked it down. You chug-a-lugged Life, Charlie. And now, you chug-a-lugged your lady love. Maybe this time you bit off more than you can chew. But you gotta chew it, Charlie. You gotta chew it and swallow it and move on to the next dish. And I think my metaphor's working on two levels now, Charlie. Because she was a dish. And that's how you gotta remember her. As a hot tasty dish, that you ate up. And when you get to thinking about her and get all choked up, you gotta say to yourself: "That's Life.... goin' down the wrong way again."