What Will Happen Next???

by Jeff Goode and YOU

copyright © 1996
[week 4]

ERIC
I swallowed my bitch.

STEPH
We're so proud of you. ...Mr. Throat.

ERIC
(puts her fingers in his mouth and says:) Oh no. It's happening again.

JEFF
WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT???
Will she say...

(Stephanie's lines:)
#1

...But we can't retain your services if you keep ingesting the employees.

#2

You're going to have to speak up.

#3

Not so fast, Mr Throat. Don't you want to know why you're swallowing me?

#4

No! No! Oh no!

#5

Yes! Yes! Oh yes!

#6

This isn't my first time you know.

#7

(squeals:) AAAAAAAH! Me? I'm the chosen one?? This is the proudest day of my life.

#8

Proud of you, but embarrassed for you. Now spit me out.

#9

(aside:) Abort the experiment! Abort the experiment!

#10

Can I ask you one favor first?

#11

(aside:) It was at that precise moment that I realized I was no longer in love with Milo "The Troat" Mueller.

#12

Don't fight it. Give yourself over to the dark side. The dark, wet side.

#13

ZAP (Eric collapses.) I'm not your bitch.

#14

I never thought it would end like this. Of course, I don't have much of an imagination.

#15

More tongue, less teeth.

#16

MEANWHILE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GALAXY: (to Eric:) I'm alive! You must be some sort of transportation device. But how?

#17

(Stephanie hums The Ride of the Valkyrie:) La la la LA la. La la la LA la...

#18

What? Just like that? No candles?

#19

Two at one sitting? Now I am impressed.

#20

I don't know whether to shriek with fear or joy or pain. They'll call you a monster, but you're just fulfilling your destiny. You're a magnificent butterfly erupting from its chrysalis, Mr. Throat. Be happy, be proud!!

#21

(agonized:) What are you taking from me? (Stephanie collapses.)

#22

This isn't how I imagined it, but... Okay.

#23

AGH! AAH! (aside:) Has this ever happened to you?

#24

Slowly! Slowly! We may as well enjoy it.

#25

Not if I can help it. UGH UHN! (She pulls her hand free.) Sorry to disappoint your esophagus, but we've got work to do.

#26

UGH UHN! (She pulls her hand free.) You try that again and I will lick you up. ...and down.

#27

(She pulls her hand free.) No glove, no love.

#28

I know. But the chemicals I'm releasing into your system will allow you to control these urges. That's the minty fresh taste you're detecting.

#29

ZAP (Eric collapses.) No witnesses.

#30

Drink it up, Throat-o. There's plenty more where this came from.

#31

Note to my associates: I'm beginning an internal study of the specimen. If this works, I'll see you on the other side.

#32

I know I've said this before, but I love Eu... (looks at audience:) thenasia.

#33

If you swallow me, you'll never see Sheela again.

#34

So we've decided to reward you with the Civic Medal of Distinction. (Suddenly realizes she's being swallowed.) What the--? Unsuck me this minute, you deviant!

#35

You're malfunctioning. Go for the manual override.

#36

I've read your files, Mr. Throat. I think you'll find me quite inedible.

#37

You don't know where that hand has been. But I do.

#38

Before you do that, I think there's something you should know about your condition. And your conditioner.

#39

And that's the last thing I remember, Doctor, before I woke up in this room covered in bile and digestive fluids.

#40

I see we've reached an impasse. You don't want to work for me. And I'm too big to fit down your throat.

#41

Someone's triggered your mechanism. But I thought I was the only one with the code.

#42

That's just an aftershock. The next real envelopment will be in 5 minutes. Now do I have your cooperation?

#43

You "organs" are all alike.

#44

ZAP (Eric collapses.) Sorry. Guess I just went off.

#45

You are getting very sleepy. When I snap my fingers, you will awake and you will not remember what has happened here. Or what I taste like.

#46

Again? So soon? (aside:) Waiter! Waiter!

#47

I wouldn't do that if I were you. There's a gun pointed at your head right now. And I'd sure hate to shoot off my own hand. So why don't you spit me out, nice and slow.

#48

Oh my God, you're serious. We've got to get you to a clinic.

#49

Whoa! Take it easy, big boy. We've got all night.

#50

Whoops. Careful, that's my expanding hand.

#51

If I can just... activate the regurgi-switch in my utility belt...

#52

Hey, that kinda tickles. (realizes she's being swallowed:) OH MY GOD!

#53

Listen, I'm going to count to 3. And you better have me completely swallowed, head to foot, because when I get to 3, any part of me that's sticking out of your mouth is gonna kick the shit out of you.

#54

(AN OFFSTAGE VOICE:) Mr. Throat! This is the God-voice. She is not the one.

#55

OH, NOOO! NO... Say, was your bitch soft and moist?

#56

Really? Oh, this is such a privelege. Can we get someone to take a picture? Not now, but when I'm, like, halfway down.

#57

"I can't hear you, you've got a woman in your mouth." I've always wanted to say that.

#58

Not so fast, Slobber-man. We have your dog.

#59

Ooo... I've never been swallowed. It's kind of... OW! OW! OW!

#60

I don't know if I told you this, but I'm really turned on by men with large orifices. Y'know, ears, nose. Oh, I'm sorry, there I go running off at the mouth again. I hope I'm not distracting you. ...Mouth, that's an orifice, too. Rectum, that's another one. But I guess I'm not really into men with large rectums. I'd always be thinking: What does he need one that big for? It seems like you could get by with a normal size one for most purposes. Except shoplifting, I guess. ...Smuggling. ...Vagina. I guess you don't have one of those though, do you? Or maybe you do, I don't mean to pry. Do you? You don't, do you? Oh, I'm sorry, it's my talking, isn't it? It's hard to eat when there's somebody in the room talking about bodily functions. Especially if that's who you're eating. ...Which is ironic because eating is a bodily function. Eating and sweating and menstruating I'm sorry, I'll shut up now. ...Did I tell you how proud we are of you, Mister Throat?


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