ERIC
I swallowed my bitch.

STEPH
We're so proud of you. ...Mr. Throat.

ERIC
(puts her fingers in his mouth and says:) Oh no. It's happening again.

STEPH
Listen, I'm going to count to 3. And you better have me completely swallowed, head to foot, because when I get to 3, any part of me that's sticking out of your mouth is gonna kick the shit out of you.

JEFF
WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT???
Will he say...

(Eric's lines:)

#1

One, two, three. What the--?? ...NO!!!

#2

You don't scare me. ...Master.

#3

Bitch! What have you done with Mrs. Klein?

#4

Waitaminute! You're not my manager.

#5

You're bluffing, I've seen your feet.

#6

You're bluffing, I've seen you count.

#7

Don't take that tone with me, Toni.

#8

Yes, your majesty. I'm sorry, your majesty.

#9

You can try, but after the night I had I don't give a shit.

#10

My shit ain't worth kickin', and you know it.

#11

That's all I need to hear. (aside:) Charlie! She's the one!

#12

I've tasted you. It's only a matter of time now.

#13

You've got spunk. (sniff, sniff) Or is that bacon?

#14

You've got spunk. I like that in a woman. Almost as much as I like being kicked.

#15

At last we meet. ...Demonspawn.

#16

I'm not afraid of you. (screams:) AAH! ...Sorry, your foot moved.

#17

Ha! You'd have to have opposeable knees!

#18

You think I want to be like this? Like some big gaping suckhole, ready to strike at any moment?

#19

(aside:) I can do it in 2, but I mustn't let her know that. Mustn't let her know.

#20

So kick me! Kick me now, while I'm still weak from the last feeding.

#21

I've never said this to anyone before, but... I love Eu (pause) ...thenasia.

#22

It's not my shit I'm worred about.

#23

But when I look at you, I get this feeling inside, and I have to swallow.

#24

But when I look at you, I get this feeling inside, and I have to swallow. Or maybe that's love.

#25

Don't talk to me. You've got to convince the Hunger.

#26

Please, Doctor, I need the truth. Is there a cure?

#27

Is that a threat? Nobody threatens, Mr. Throat! Hey, that kinda rhymes.

#28

I can't help it. Someone's taken control of my digestive system.

#29

All right, but we gotta get me some dogs. Fast.

#30

That's what I like about you, Doctor. You always know how to put me off my lunch.

#31

It's no use, I'm out of control. We've got to activate the Throat Signal.

#32

Oh no. Now I'm swallowing myself!

#33

You call this a honeymoon?

#34

Mmm. Creamy.

#35

UNGH! UNGH! UGGALAGGALA!! Okay, I'm fine now.

#36

I didn't here you complaining when I did the bitch.

#37

It's not me. We've got to find the antidote.

#38

You don't sound like Myra. You don't feel like Myra. Where's Myra?

#39

I'm sorry, I hope you don't think I mean anything by it. It's just, you know, the urge.

#40

(aside:) I'm scared. ...But I'm hungry. (weighing options:) Bite or flight? Bite or flight? ...Ah, what the heck.

#41

Dammit, Doctor, you created me. Isn't there a even a dollop of compassion in that cold, moist heart?

#42

Where am I? Who am I? And what is that vile aftertaste?

#43

Do you think I give a damn about you and your boots?

#44

So this is what it comes down to. My lips and your feet, for all the marbles.

#45

You can't kick me. I'm a giant. (beat) Or a dragon.

#46

I been kicked before. You're gonna have to pour acid on me, if you want to get my attention.

#47

Oh no. My mouth is dry. My throat is parched. What sorcery is this?

#48

I'm sorry, am I violating your personal space? Well, now you know what it feels like to be surgically altered!

#49

I need something, a lozenge, anything.

#or 50

This reminds me of a story.
Guy walks into a bar, and says to the bartender, "I bet you 500 bucks I can swallow this whole bottle of whiskey without removing the cork."
Bartender says, "I'd like to see that."
So the guy picks up the bottle and starts forcing it down his throat. And the bartender is laughing his ass off, because this guy looks ridiculous. But the guy keeps trying and trying and he finally gets the bottle jammed halfway down his throat, until he can't breath.
And the bartender starts screaming, "Spit it out, you asshole, spit it out!" But the bottle's stuck, and the guy drops dead right there on the bar.

Well, just then, this guy at the other end of the bar gets up and starts walking out, and the bartender says, "Hey, where are you going?"
And the guy says, "That guy just bet me five thousand dollars that he'd choke to death right here in the bar, and you would just stand there and laugh at him."
And the bartender says, "Oh. ...So why are you leaving?"
And the guy says, "Are you kidding me? This is one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen."