ERIC
I swallowed my bitch.

STEPH
We're so proud of you. ...Mr. Throat.

ERIC
(puts her fingers in his mouth and says:) Oh no. It's happening again.

STEPH
Listen, I'm going to count to 3. And you better have me completely swallowed, head to foot, because when I get to 3, any part of me that's sticking out of your mouth is gonna kick the shit out of you.

ERIC
I'm not afraid of you. (screams:) AAH! ...Sorry, your foot moved.

(Enter Inger. She looks around and says:)

INGER
Um... Hi. ...Either of you seen a woman? About so tall. ...Kind of bitchy.

JEFF
WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT???
Will he say...

#1

Eric: She tasted smaller.

#2

(Eric & Steph look at each other. beat.)
Steph: (to Ing:) That would be me.

#3

Eric: I miss her so.

#4

Steph: You! You're the one fortold in the prophecy!

#5

Eric: Oh no. It's happening again.

#6

Steph: I think I speak for both of us when I say: We don't speak English, now go away.

#7

Eric: You're telling me she was a hologram?

#8

Steph: (points her finger - like a gun - at Inger's head.) Allright, I don't know who you work for. But you're gonna put your hands up real slow. Or I'm gonna drive this finger into your brain.

#9

Eric: Sounds familiar. Could you describe her texture.

#10

Steph: He did it!

#11

Eric: She made me do it!

#12

Steph: Mr. Throat, don't be alarmed, I'm using my telepathic powers to send you this message. Kill her now while she doesn't suspect... Oh shit. I said that out loud, didn't I?

#13

Eric: Was she a woman? Or a small dog who dressed like a woman?

#14

Steph: Your daughter is no longer with us. ...Mrs. Throat.

#15

Eric: We're caught in some sort of time loop. That's me, five minutes ago. But why am I a woman?

#16

Steph: I had her swallowed. Give us the device, or I unleash "The Throat".

#17

Eric: I didn't know she had family. (to Steph:) You monster!

#18

Steph: Seen her? No. But I know where you can find her semi-digested remains.

#19

Eric: (sotto voce to Steph:) Oh no. What do we do? What do we do? (no response) (to Ing:) You've paralyzed her. (idea:) Or maybe only one of us can talk at a time.

#20

Steph: She knew too much. And now you know too much. (to Eric:) Mr. Throat, you know what to do.

#21

Eric: You're too late. I got to her first. (points at Steph:) And I call dibs on this one, too.

#22

Steph: (deliciously:) Mmmm. Comp-li-ca-tions...

#23

Eric: It wasn't me. I swear to God it wasn't me. (burp) Oh God, she's coming back up.

#24

Steph: There's no time to discuss this. Lift off is in 10 minutes.

#25

Eric: I couldn't help myself! ...Now you're probably asking yourself: "What? Help myself to what?"

#26

Steph: Oh, sure, be sarcastic. Do you want to do this?

#27

Eric: I didn't catch your name. (sinister:) But I caught your sister.

#28

Steph: We're trying to have a discussion here, if you don't mind! (beat) Did you say, "bitchy"?

#29

Eric: There ain't nothin' like a dame.

#30

Steph: So we meet again, Mimi.

#31

Eric: I loved her. You've got to believe me, I loved her. And I mean that in a warm fuzzy romantic way. Not a tasty yummy food way.

#32

Steph: Yes, but if we act fast, we can save her. Take off your clothes, and get in his mouth.

#33

Eric: Yes, but if we act fast, we can save her. (looks at his watch.) Whoops. Never mind, she's gone.

#34

Steph: I think you'd better sit down when I tell you this. And I hope you haven't eaten recently.

#35

Eric: You describe her in such loving detail. But how can that be?

#36

Steph: It's funny you should ask, because... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ...I'm sorry, just give me a minute. HA HA HA HA...

#37

Eric: She's no longer with us. Well, she's still with me. But a couple Tums'll take care of that.

#38

Steph: MEANWHILE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GALAXY. (Both Eric and Stephanie burst out laughing.)

#39

(OFFSTAGE VOICE:) Mister Throat! This is the God-Voice. She is the one.

or #40

Eric: The resemblance is uncanny. It's like looking in a mirror. Well, no, then you would look like me. It's like if she was looking in a mirror, and I was inside her somehow looking through her eyeholes. If she was, like, hollowed-out somehow. But no, I'm taller than her, so you'd have to cut off my legs to make me fit. Which I wouldn't allow, because it hardly seems worth it just for a silly metaphor. And we'd both be bleeding profusely, and you aren't, so there goes the resemblance. So I guess what I'm saying is this is like nothing anyone has ever experienced. Or, no, that wasn't my point. The point is, you are her spitting image. That's the point. Are you sisters, or just clones?