Tiger-Tiger Yum-Yum by Jeff Goode

Tiger-Tiger Yum-Yum

Episode... Thrust!⁽⁴⁾

by Jeff Goode

(MR. ANGRY PANTS and GIRL THAT DANCES are holding hands while the theme song plays sexy.)

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Yum-Yum
Tiger, Tiger, Yum-Yum-Yum
Hearts on Fi-grrr with Desi-grrr
Bow-chikka bow-chik, so much fun!

Come with the Yum, gonna Hum like a Rock... et.
Stick it in a Socket, gonna Suck it like a Thumb. (Yum!)

Oh, gonna Blow like a freakin' vampi-grrr!
Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Yum! Yum! Yum!!

(When the song is over, GIRL THAT DANCES starts dancing.)

MR. ANGRY
(whispers, guiltily) No one must know about this.

Especially not... that... wEirD gUy...!!

Do you understand??! No one!!

(Enter CRAZY WORM GUY.)

Here he comes. Act natural.

(GIRL THAT DANCES acts the same as she always does. MR. ANGRY PANTS acts uncharacteristically cheerful.)

Oh, hello... you.

CRAZY WORM
Hello, Mr. Angry Pants!

MR. ANGRY
(torn between anger and guilt) DON'T... CALL ME THAT!!

(MR. ANGRY PANTS leaves in frustration and shame.)

CRAZY WORM
Hello, Girl That Dances.

GIRL THAT DANCES
Hello, Crazy Worm Guy!

CRAZY WORM
Hi.

(Pause while she dances.)

Hey, you know what we should do? We should see if that Music Person has our theme song yet! Let's go!

(They walk. CRAZY WORM GUY walks, anyway. GIRL THAT DANCES kind of dances her way there.)

Here we are! The Place Where Music Is...

(MR. MUSIC PERSON MAN is there already.)

MUSIC PERSON MAN
Hello, Crazy Worm.

CRAZY WORM
Hello, Mr. Music Person Man.

MUSIC PERSON MAN
Who's your attractive female companion?

CRAZY WORM
That's my new girlfriend. I call her Girlfriend That Dances.
Because she dances. Like that. All the time.

(MR. MUSIC PERSON MAN is surprised to hear this.)

MUSIC PERSON MAN
Did you say your girlfriend?

CRAZY WORM
Yes, why?

MUSIC PERSON MAN
(changing the subject) Never mind.

CRAZY WORM
Why do you ask?

MUSIC PERSON MAN
No reason.

CRAZY WORM
What is it?

MUSIC PERSON MAN
Nothing.

(MUSIC PERSON plays some music to change the subject.)

(uncomfortable Musical pause.)

(CRAZY WORM GUY goes back to the GIRL THAT DANCES.)

CRAZY WORM
(jealous) There's someone else, isn't there?!

(GIRL THAT DANCES dances.)

CRAZY WORM
Who is he?? ...Or she?! ...Or it?!

...The End...

(Or perhaps an ANNOUNCER says...)

ANNOUNCER
Tune in next time, when Crazy Worm Guy says...

CRAZY WORM
It's Mr. Angry Pants, isn't it??

MR. ANGRY
(offstage) DON'T CALL ME THAT!!

GIRL THAT DANCES
It takes me to tango.

(BLACKOUT)