CRAZY WORM
Innkeeper! Innkeeper!!

           INNKEEPER
What is it now?!

           CRAZY WORM
I want to turn myself in!

           INNKEEPER
I told you before, this isn't a police station!

           CRAZY WORM
No, it's an INN!

           INNKEEPER
And there still isn't any evidence that you murdered anybody.

           CRAZY WORM
What do you call this?

           (He slams down the pair of pants that he found.)

           INNKEEPER
A pair of pants.

           CRAZY WORM
(triumphantly) Case dismissed!

           INNKEEPER
That doesn't prove anything!

           CRAZY WORM
Oh yeah? Prove it! I demand a trial.

           INNKEEPER
All right, fine! But I’m giving you a fair trial.

           CRAZY WORM
Ha! I’d like to see you try!

           (INNKEEPER bangs on the desk with a gavel.)

           INNKEEPER
This court is now in session.

           CRAZY WORM
INN session.

           INNKEEPER
Shut up! In the case of Crazy Worm Guy versus his own Craziness, how do you plead?

           CRAZY WORM
Guilty! ...Totally guilty! ...As sin!

           (INNKEEPER is thwarted...)

           INNKEEPER
Dammit!

           (...But only for a moment.)

Aha! In the interest of justice - and a fun trial - I am hereby setting aside the plea of guilty and entering a plea of not so guilty.

           CRAZY WORM
Nooo!

           INNKEEPER
No, totally innocent!

           CRAZY WORM
Noooooo!!

           INNKEEPER
Prosecutor, call your first witness!
           (INNKEEPER becomes the Prosecutor.)
Your honor, for our first witness, the people would like to call---

           CRAZY WORM
Wait a minute! How come you get to be prosecutor, too?

           INNKEEPER
Home court advantage.

           CRAZY WORM
What about my defense attorney?

           INNKEEPER
Shoulda thought about that before you turned yourself in.

           CRAZY WORM
Oh no you don't! I know my rights. If I cannot appoint an attorney, then one will be appointed for me. And clearly I have no fingers.

           (INNKEEPER is thwarted...)

           INNKEEPER
Dammit!

           (...But only for a moment.)

All right then. Father-Sister O'Mary O'Fudge, you get to be Attorney for the defense.

           (Enter FATHER SISTER O’MARY O'FUDGE.)

           FATHER SISTER
Whoopee!

           CRAZY WORM
Father-Sister O'Mary O'Fudge? You're a lawyer?

           FATHER SISTER
I've never lost a case.

           (CRAZY WORM GUY gloats at the INNKEEPER.)

           CRAZY WORM
Aha!

           INNKEEPER
Dammit!

...The End...

           ANNOUNCER
Tune in next time, when Crazy Worm Guy says...

           CRAZY WORM
But you're not a lawyer.

           FATHER SISTER
Nope.

 
           (BLACKOUT)