The War on Fact

by Jeff Goode

Since September 11^th, we have been at war.

But this is a different kind of war.

It is not a war with any nation.

Or with any particular race.

This is a war with the fact that people hate us.

And we must do everything in our power
To bomb, torture and kill
The fact that people hate us
Until there is nothing left of their hatred
But bone fragments and ashes and bloody rubble.

Some people say that you cannot wage war on facts.
That bombing a fact does not change it.
I disagree.

Because the fact that people hate us
Is not just a cold, hard fact.
It is also an opinion.

And opinions are soft and weak.
Opinions can be changed. Opinions can be defeated.

You can bomb the place where an opinion lives.
You can imprison an opinion and torture it, until it becomes a better opinion.
You can attach electrodes to an opinion’s testicles and take pictures of it, so the whole world can see how foolish that opinion looks, and how much better off it would be if it were turned into an opinion of love and peace and tolerance.
By force, if necessary.

And if that doesn’t work, you can kill an opinion’s family.
And put its leaders on trial.
You can sentence them to death
And install puppet opinions to take the place of opinions you don’t like.

You can send inexperienced troops into the streets
To murder or execute the offending opinions completely by accident
Solving your opinion problem altogether.

There are any number of things that can happen to a bad opinion in wartime
That can turn it from hate into something entirely different.

But this is a different kind of war.
And we need new and innovative weapons to fight it.

We cannot win this war with old-fashioned conventional weapons alone.
Bombing and killing and torturing are not enough.

We must have bigger bombs.
5,000 pound bombs. 10,000 pound bombs.
We must have tactical nuclear weapons.
Thermonuclear bunker busters.

We must have swifter and more devastating methods of killing our enemies
Before they get the chance to hate us in the first place.

And above all, we must have Freedom.

Freedom to imprison and torture anyone and everyone who hates us
Freedom to investigate those who despise us
Or disagree with us
Or don’t support us
Wherever and whenever they are
Day or night
At home or abroad
With or without proof
Whether they hate us or not

We must be relentless in our pursuit of Freedom
And our pursuit of those who hate us for our Freedom
Until we have captured both
And used the one to destroy the other
Without mercy or hesitation
Because we know that, if the situation were reversed, we would do the same.

We must do everything in our power
To beat this horrible, horrible opinion of us into submission.

Before that hateful opinion becomes a cold, hard fact.