Home Run King
by Jeff Goode copyright © 2003 SPORTS SECTION FRONT PAGE SPORTS SECTION FRONT PAGE FRONT PAGE SPORTS SECTION FRONT PAGE SPORTS SECTION FRONT PAGE SPORTS SECTION FRONT PAGE SPORTS SECTION BOTH ------------EPILOGUE------------ SPORTS SECTION FRONT PAGE SPORTS SECTION FRONT PAGE SPORTS SECTION
(TWO PEOPLE sitting at a cafe, reading the newspaper. One of them has the sports section. The other one peruses the front page.)
Did you hear Alex Rodriguez just hit his 300th home run?
No kidding.
Youngest person ever to hit 300 home runs. He's on a pace to shatter every home run record in the books. At the rate he's going, they say he'll hit 900 home runs in his career.
Oh shit.
(They sit in stunned silence, contemplating the magnitude of this achievement.)
You know, Adolph Hitler was elected in 1933. He invaded Poland in 1939. It took him 6 years before he invaded his first country.
When was George Bush elected? 2000?
Yep. 3 years later, he's invaded Iraq. He's on a pace to shatter every record Hitler ever set.
Hold on, hold on, wait a minute. I don't think you have your facts straight.
What?
Iraq is not the first country he's invaded.
You're gonna count Afghanistan?
Are you gonna count Belgium?
(Stunned silence.)
Oh shit.
When was Hitler elected, again?
1933.
And how long was it before Americans decided to do something about him?
9 years.
Shit.