copyright © 2007 Jeff Goode

The War On God

by Jeff Goode

You ever notice how Jesus’ name only comes up in conversation when people want you to do something immoral?

You never hear someone telling you not to kill or steal or rape an altar boy "because Jesus wouldn’t like it".

Most people can come up with plenty of reasons not to steal a car, without having to drag Christ our Savior into it.

Because, at the end of the day, Morality is really just common sense: Don’t kill, because "How would you like it if someone did that to you?" Don’t pollute, because "Look what it does to the planet." Don’t start a war, because "How fucked up do you have to be to think starting a war is a good idea?"

It doesn’t even matter what Jesus thinks in these situations, because doing the right thing is pretty much a no-brainer.

It’s only when you don’t want people thinking too hard about what you’re about to ask them, that you have to invoke their blind allegiance to God the Father.

It’s only when someone wants you to bomb something, or kill someone, or tie someone to a fence and beat the shit out of them that they say, "Oh, and by the way, the whole thing is Jesus’ idea."

So naturally when they want you to hate thy neighbor they make a point of mentioning that Jesus is gonna hate you, if you don’t. Or when they want you to judge a lot, despite the fact that ye be judged. Or do unto some faggots before they do whatever it is faggots do that’s so gawd-awful that God wants to kick their ass.

Did you hear that Jesus is in favor of the war in Iraq? It’s true: Someone in favor of the war in Iraq told me. Apparently, Jesus is totally down with killing Middle Easterners, as long as it’s for a good cause.

And it’s Jesus who wants you to beat up a nurse outside an abortion clinic.
And Jesus wants you to round up all the Muslims and put ‘em in camps and put electrodes on their testicles.

And gays? Hell, do whatever you want with those guys. Beat ‘em, bash ‘em, fuck ‘em, fuck ‘em over. It doesn’t matter. Because homosexuality is the single most morally-perverted thing on earth. Way more perverted than a priest fucking an altar boy.

Cuz those guys, well, need I mention… Jesus wants you to forgive them.