God Damn It: Stop Taking the Lords Name in Vain!
by Jeff Goode
copyright © 2006
You know what pisses me the fuck off?
Taking the Lords God-damn name in vain.
Jesus fuck! I hate that!
But these shit heads just keep doing it.
I guess I shouldnt be surprised, though:
All through history, people keep puttin words in Gods mouth.
Like the fucking Catholics:
Back in the day, the medieval Church wanted to help out the local fishermen.
So they made it a rule to eat fish on Friday.
EVEN THOUGH THE APOSTLE PAUL
SPECIFICALLY OBJECTED TO DIETARY RULES FOR CHRISTIANS!
Colossians 2:16-23! Look it up, faggot ass!
But they made a rule about it anyway.
And then they made it a sin.
Then they made it a mortal sin.
A MORTAL sin!
They were sending people to burn in the fiery fucking pits of Satans ass crack
Because they werent supporting the LOCAL fishing industry.
In ITALY. In the MIDDLE AGES.
Now Ive got nothin against religious folks trying to be more active in politics.
But when they start saying that THEIR politics are what GOD wants.
That sucks fucking cock!
That sucks Jesus Christs cock.
While fisting him. In his God damn ass.
Like tax cuts!
I dont like taxes.
Nobody LIKES taxes.
But when the Bush-for-God party tries to tell you that JESUS likes tax cuts.
Or Jesus wants to drill for oil in the Arctic Wildlife Reserve.
Thats fucking gay.
And not in a good homosexual way.
Thats gay in a "What kinda faggot says this kinda shit" kinda way.
Oh, you dont like taxes?
Jesus fucking Mary and Joseph! At the same time! With a 2-way dildo!
You know who hates taxes?
JEWS in the time of Jesus.
They REEEALLY hated taxes.
Because THEIR tax shekels went to Rome.
To pay for armies.
To kill Jews.
OOOOOH, they hated taxes. Hated em.
Thats why the Pharisees thought they could really nail Jesus with a trick question about taxes:
"Hey, Jesus, whaddaya think about taxes?"
Cause if he says he likes em:
All his followers who hate taxes will hate his Jew-hating guts.
But if he says he doesnt like em, and dont pay em:
Hes breaking the law and the Romans can arrest him.
"So whats it gonna be, Jesus? Huh, Jesus, huh? Betcha we gotcha there, Jesus, huh?"
But you cant fucking trick fucking Jesus fucking Christ! Christ Almighty!
Cause, you know what Jesus said?
He said, "Hey, buddy! Hey, Pharisee dude! Got any change? You got a quarter? Take it out. Take a look at it. Whose face is on the quarter?"
And they said, "Washington."
And he said, "Render unto Washington, the things which are Washingtons."
PAY your TAXES.
And thats straight from the horses ass.
From Jesus Christ the son of the God of the Republican party.
Pay your fucking taxes.
So, if you want tax cuts. Thats fine. Vote for tax cuts.
TELL other people to vote for tax cuts.
But thats not from Jesus.
Thats you personally, wanting a little more cash in your pocket.
Thats the love o money talking.
The LOVE of MONEY. Which is the root of all evil.
Ring a bell?
Love of money? Root of all evil? Love of money? Root of all evil?
But you know what the worst case of taking the Lords name in vain is?
Taking the Lords name in vain!
Because its thanks to shit heads like this that most of you actually think I just changed the subject. Most of you are wondering:
"What the FUCK do tax cuts have to do with taking the Lords name in vain?!
Oh, shit, I said, fuck. I took the Lords name in vain. Im going to hell for that."
No, youre not, asshole!
Youre goin to hell for SAYING youre going to hell, is what youre going to hell for. That, and some other shit you did in Gods name.
But "shit", "fuck", "cock ass", "pussy faggot nigger jiz balls cunt cunt piddle piddle turd"
is not taking the Lords name in vain!
GOD DAMN YOU.
Thats taking the Lords name in vain. Kind of.
But now, thanks to these shit heads, weve got all these fucked-up ideas about "swearing", which isnt even swearing. And cussing, which is not the same as cursing.
LOOK IT UP, ASS COCK!
Because way back when those Catholics were trying to get more fish in your diet.
"And you know what else I hate? Cussing.
Why, I was just down at the fish market, handing out flyers, and those sailors were cussing like Well, like sinful people.
In fact it ought to be a sin.
Its not. But it ought to be.
Now that I mention it, I did hear one of them say God damn it. Thats kind of like God damn you. Which if thats what he had said would have been cursing, which would have been taking the Lords name in vain - If thats what he had done, but he didnt. And, GOLLY, do I hate that.
Yknow, we oughta just call the whole ball-o-rope taking the Lords name in vain, and then we can send em all straight to hell whenever they call me a bitch.
Oh, yes, put bitch on that list. I hate that word. And nigger.
Im sure Ill hate the word in six or seven hundred years."
And next thing you know, we cant say "nigger" in front of Jesus, cause its in the Bible.
Taking the Lords name in vain is not about etiquette or table manners.
Its about pretending to be God.
He put it in the top 3 commandments of all time:
"No other god, No graven image, No taking my name"
Because God had a HUGE problem with so-called "religious" folks telling people:
"God told me this, and God told me that."
And if you disagree with me: May the Lord God of Heaven strike you dead where you stand. I call the Lords damnation down upon you! God damn you in your shoes. God DAMN YOU!
Yo, God, Im talkin here!
I told you to do something.
Heh heh. I guess that didnt work. Heh heh. I guess that whole thing I just did was kind of in vain. Heh heh. Yeh, I guess Gods not gonna damn well damn you just because I said he should. Heh heh. My bad. I hope you didnt change your vote or anything because of what I just said, did you?
Whoops. Sorry about that.
Better luck next election.
Thats what taking the Lords name in vain is: Calling down damnation on someone because they didnt do what you want them to do.
Saying God flew planes into the World Trade Center because of all the faggots and liberals, just because you dont like faggots and liberals. Thats taking the Lords name in vain.
Trying to convince people that God gave Ariel Sharon a heart attack because he didnt agree with your ideas about politics in the Middle East. Thats taking the Lords name in vain.
So next time somebody tells you youre taking the Lords name in vain
Because you slammed your thumb in a car door.
Tell them to go fuck Jesus in his cunty little asshole
Because a couple years from now when
Theyre all burning in H-E-double-cocks-up
Youll be sitting at the right hand of God
Just shootin the shit.